H-2

last night i had party going on in my house. some people came. i was so glad to meet them after two weeks off from school. but still there is a lil bit sadness from the deepest of my heart. first, I'm gonna leave soon. second, my very best friend couldn't make my party. but overall, that was so much fun. presents, laughter, stories, all the things were just to make me so happy. i couldn't tell how happy i was. i really miss them right now. tomoro, i am planning to hang out with Sarah. i hope we both can make it since it will be last day i will spend with my family, and also not much time left to do something. other than that, Cherice wanna make something special for me. i don't know what. but i hope i could make it to her house. for three different people in a day. i don't know how to spare my time with them in my very last day in the United States. 24 hours. not much.
i still remember how tons of my friends count days in the 100 last days. 3 months. until i realize that actually I'm gonna leave in less than 3 days. 3 months, 3 weeks, then 3 days. and maybe 3 hours? even 3 minutes before i get in to the bus which take me to JFK in Long Island.
today, i spent my time with very good friend of mine. she is so sweet. today i try to make my face happy in front of a lot of people, including her. she might feel the same. pretending to be happy in every person we meet. idk, it just makes my stomach hurts, my heart beats faster, and kinda makes my mind dizzy. you know what? i am already home. i don't have to go home, because i already am. home? what home?
maybe i don't know how to tell my exact feeling right now. just between happiness and sadness. mix in one place. maybe the good thing to express it is just tears. it could be happy or sad. bad thing, i can't cry in front of people. i might just cry in the deepest of my heart. bad thing, i can't tell people how much i love them. and bad thing, i can't tell people that i cry out loud in the deepest of my heart.

thank you good people, you make my day full of color. sometimes dark sometimes bright. =)